The Anti-Smoking Convention of the Millenium

 

I don't exactly know how to feel about the momentous deliberations that have been going on for the past few days in down-and-out Downtown Beirut. But for some odd reason, placing our country's fate and our own, in the hands of the very people who tore Lebanon to shreds, is sending chills down my spine.

These are a few pressing questions I have.

How many of these people truly care about Lebanon and its sovereignty? How many of them would be amenable to stepping down and abandoning their leadership privileges for the greater good of a greater Lebanon?
Aren't/Weren't most of these men, at some not so remote point in time, little Syrian sycophants faithfully echoing their master's voice and following its orders?
Aren't they all part of the same governing body that was (and still is) both unwilling and incapable of pulling a single string into the investigation of the hariri/hawi/kassir/tueni chain of assassinations?
What is it that happened that suddenly made them all champions of an independent and powerful nation?
Could it be that they finally agreed on Lahoud as the cause of all ailments? Or is it that they found the perfect scapegoat to detract attention from their past crimes and current shortcomings?

Sure, truth be told, Lahoud needs to step down. But let me share with you my new-found respect for the man who's only being faithful to the hand that fed him, tapped him on the cheeks, and brought him on a glory march to the presidential palace. A man who has a key seat in office, and is hanging on to it with his teeth. Would any of those bigots and hypocrits, debating my future over a round table, have done any less? I doubt it. Lahoud is certainly a joke of a president, and he's indirectly responsible for many of our recent tragedies. But at least he's faithful to his masters, and more of a straight shooter than they are.

So, what's the alternative, you ask. I unfortunately don't see one. My one hope, right now, is that the agreed-upon substitute president would be strong and wise enough, or should I say Lebanese enough, to put the country's interests above all other considerations, and maybe, hopefully, strike a balance and save the day. And if he were able to be and do all that, it would help if he'd have nine lives to safely escort him through his term.

Until then, until my nebulous dreams materialize, I'll try to enjoy the irony of watching a bunch of rusty, smoke-puffing narghiles presiding over the anti-smoking convention of the millenium.