Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Dirty Laundry


I hate politics. And I am tired of reading and writing political posts, though I've not really written more than a handful of them over the past year or so. Do these pieces I write even qualify as political since they truly lack the eurdite analysis so commonly found on lebanese political blogs, and compensate for the lack thereof by an oh-so-artistic frame of expression, and an on-and-off passionate, almost incendiary discourse driven by such widespread despair and decrepitude? It doesn't matter really. The cause they serve is political and that seems to be good enough.

Yes I hate politics, and I despise politicians. I never entertained the thought that I could or would be political. But how can I not be when I see my country being torn to shreds and slowly taken apart like a slain lamb. How can I not scream. I can't not scream. Cries come racing out of my throat in spite of me, and transfigure into earthshattering(!) posts on how to save the country and change the world.

Right. Here they are, my revolutionary words, dead in the womb it seems. A good couple of hundred people read them, five leave comments, and three million are waiting, afraid, asleep.

What is this for, really, when all my pain and anger-ridden rhetoric is as far reaching as a shadow cast at high noon. The cause, the country, my brethren, my family, me. Maybe it's just me. Or is it just nothing at all, and I am but a dog barking at its own wagging tail.

This is all very difficult. Maybe one day we will save ourselves, maybe we will change and regain our nation and identity. Now I find it hard to believe, but maybe we will. In the meantime, and if it happens, will I ever be able to say I was part of it, that I helped bring it all to life, the metamorphosis, the liberation, the revolution, while being stranded here, behind this congested keyboard and illuminated screen?

It ails me to say so, but unfortunately not.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

fouad, if you're done with preaching, just move on! no need to justify yourself :) and no, you staying away doesn't help metamorphosing the nation. It is that simple.

7:36 AM  
Blogger Ramzi said...

Fouad I hear you.

But ponder this: you finish your residency, move back home, slide a specimen under the microscope, and make a Lebanese family's anguish disappear with a tick mark next to "normal".

We can't all be martyr's. Even they would not wish to be so given half the chance, I imagine.

10:49 AM  
Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

Please, don't give up.

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Moo said...

I have 3 comments.
1- If you read all the economical analysis done on our country in the past 20 years, most of them agree that one of the main drive to this country was the influx of money from Lebanese living abroad to their families. That helped maintain a certain standard of life and it still is.
2- Lebanese living abroad are an important power that a lot of politicians rely on. Our card will be used at the appropriate time. And we are the one who will make the BIG change: when we will get our voting rights.
3- Now, if your concern is your personal role in all of this (revolution..), well, my friend, maybe you should be a politician. Some people accept their role as part of the multitude, some others want to stand out.

9:09 PM  
Blogger Fouad said...

Anonymous, moving on is not and should not, if considered, be an option. And please understand that I answer to no one, that justifying my decisions, if any are made, is totally irrelevant with respect to this post, and that what is simple to you might not be that simple to others.

Ramzi, yes I've pondered this often. But somehow, being a messenger of occasional wellness doesn't quite cut it. Of course we can't all be martyrs. But even our martyrs are turning into mere victims in the face of a seemingly feeble cause.

Kat, I can't give up. I'm just frustrated with the only weapon I have at this time.

Moo, thank you for your comments. I agree with you, Lebanese abroad are an invaluable asset to Lebanon. I just can't see them transforming the lebanese political landscape through acquiring better voting rights. Change has to come from the inside first, and believe me if I tell you that, if I ever accept to be a political leader, it would be now, not to stand out, I assure you, but to try and bring on change that's a long time coming.

This was a very personal post, sparked by a recurring feeling of ineptitude. I'm mostly fighting my own demons, and I won't give up that easily. Thank you all for your input. At least, I know that in this fight, I'm not completely alone.

11:07 PM  
Blogger Tempest said...

you won't give up... so i won't try to ask you not to give up...

I do feel you though. I get it. We're in the same war.

6:42 AM  

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